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Month of July: How would you use 30 days to break your old habits?

breaking bad habits

We all get to a certain breaking point in our lives where we look around and say ” how the hell did I get here and how can I change it?” I am firm believer that you cannot work to numb the pain away or even pretend to function on autopilot or even become so stoic in what you feel and think that you become completely numb to things that are supposed to bring you happiness and love into your life. You are not truly living life just by going with motions…its not fair to you and it is just not right especially if you have people who are willing to give you the shirt off their backs and you are basically giving them your ass to kiss. How right and truly fair is that? If it ever gets to that point…well my friend it is about time you take a hard look in the mirror and chin-check yourself! One thing that I think we take for granted as being humans is that you are not the only one on earth having a living experience full of variations of emotions that involve other people. You have to be responsible at ALL TIMES for the type of energy you put out to the world because you have no idea how it will affect those that truly care about you!  So here we are at the climax of how to make those changes…well I will tell you this much…I am not exempt from this at all and like I have always stated I am not expert…I am only an expert on me! My only wish is to help those that struggle with different things and that I also can take my own advice.

The life old question: how many days does it take to break a bad habit…21 or 30 days?  To me it really doesn’t matter about the length of days but what are you doing to proactively make those changes and to stick with them for a better and healthier lifestyle. Everything in life is a choice: carrying sadness or guilt from the past that you can no longer change and accepting that and moving on to something better to increase your happiness; letting go of someone you love because they fail to see the “real you” and you finally get tired of it and going and getting what you truly deserve etc. The list is endless and has plenty of reasons but those 21 or 30 days is so crucial to your overall well-being. Here is an clear example:

A few weeks ago I decided to go see someone that is near and dear to my heart. I was surprised I went and the other party involved was just as surprised that I just popped up! Long story short, me and the other party talked briefly on communicating more because communication was and is non-existent which is a problem for me. The other party understood where I was coming from and simply stated ” I will do better!” I was very much thrilled to see that my plea for communication was well received. Even though I was happy I still had the question in the back of my mind ” will this other party keep their word?” Therefore I said to myself ” I do not expect someone to change their habits in one or two weeks so I will have to see.” I struggled a bit to see some type of evidence which I got very little. So I did what most what do and continued to reach out. I then had a incident that truly scared me and it was a matter of life or death. I then reached out to the other party again looking for comfort and some emotional support and to my disappointment the other party did not respond back and left me hanging.  

Now the 30-day mark is fastly approaching and to my discontent…nothing has changed! Ultimately, I have decided that the other party is not concerned in how I feel or think nor are they even thinking about the exchangement of energy that was shared in each others presence. I find it very disheartening and very sad because I was looking forward to an “idea” that could of come into fruition if the other party was proactively involved in making a simple change. I reached conclusion that the other party in a sense ” has no room for me” in their life and wrestling with the decision to walk away. Maybe things will change but who knows but I find that it is quite unfair and hurtful to think about someone so heavily and to know you do not occupy their thoughts. I still pray and have faith that things will change but things cannot continue to be one-sided at all! Life goes on and true happiness is within a arms length but the someone has to be on the other side reaching out too!

So during the remainder of the 21 or 30 days in breaking bad habits I have decided to focus on healing myself from the number of mass disappointments, hurts and pains I have experienced in the last few months. Everyone deserves true love and happiness for once in their lives and I owe it to myself to have that because it has eluded me for years. The smile I have on my face took much inner work to put their and even more work to keep it there. Having experienced enough heartbreak to last me 10 lifetimes I am very much surprised that I can still love as deeply as I do, give the way that I give, laugh has hard as I do everyday, be there for others when I am really needed and wanted, and that my heart still functions at a high capacity.  So if I can survive all of this well I am just letting you know…you can too! Do not lose hope and hold onto to your faith that in the end everything works out for the good! #LiveLifePositive

We drive expectations
by clamoring inside ourselves
on highways of false appearances
with billboard show and tells.
We worry we’re not adequate
so we tailgate slow emotions,
then throw our hands up in a rage
to curb our self-expression.
The comparative crux of reality
is wide open lanes remain–
there aren’t as many limits
as our mental traffic claims.

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You cannot delay happiness when it has already been ready for you. Claim the happiness that is in you and be ready to share it.

4 Reasons Why Some People Are Afraid of Happiness (Why Happiness Isn’t an Universal Ideal)

I came across this article in my research because I am finding it more interesting how many people are truly afraid of being ridiculously stupid dumb happy. There can be a number of reasons as to why that the ultimate thing that is to bring you joy is also the thing that terrifies people to no end. In my eyes God is the ultimate source of true happiness and one you have that and allow it to fully consume you then it tickles down to the other areas of your life. We have to get pass the misconception that if you are too happy then eventually it will be taken away. Happiness in itself is eternal if we view it at a spiritual level and not try to embody it in a physical aspect. Realize that every beginning has an end but what defines us is what we continue to carry with us when it does go away. Not to dwell on the negative aspect but carrying the positive that is birth out of true and pure happiness. So that is enough out of me..so enjoy the article!! 

Check out a book called “The Happiness Project” I have read it and found it to be an amazing book! #livelifepositive

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Most people want to be happy, and personal happiness is considered to be one of the most important values in life in contemporary Western cultures. However, some people are afraid of happiness. Why isn’t happiness an universal ideal?

Joshanloo & Weijers (2014) sum up cross-cultural findings on happiness and they find that some people are afraid of happiness in both Western and non-Western cultures. According to their paper, people who are afraid of happiness tend to hold the following four beliefs about happiness:

1. Being happy makes it more likely that bad things will happen to you

This belief implies that happiness causes negative consequences. For this reason, people prefer a neutral state over happiness. This is true for people in many cultures.

For example, in Taoist cultures, it is believed that things tend to revert to their opposite; in Korea, there exists a cultural belief that if a person is happy now, he is likely to be less happy in the future. One study found that:

“Japanese participants believed that happiness could lead to negative consequences because happiness made them inattentive to their surroundings.”

In ancient Greece, the philosopher Epicurus argued that intense pleasures should be avoided as they result in unfortunate desires for more. In Iran, there is a saying that “Laughing loudly wakes up sadness’’.

Two similar sayings exist in Western cultures: “after happiness, there comes a fall’’, and ‘‘what goes up must come down’’. The Chinese have a saying that ‘‘extreme happiness begets tragedy’’.

2. Being happy makes you a worse person

In Islam, happy people, best understood as people who experience regular positive emotions, are viewed as being distracted from God. This is because, in Islam, true happiness is considered to be inner peace which originates from a devotion to God.

Some people judge happy people to be less intelligent. This is because happiness is thought to preoccupy people’s minds, leaving little time for intellectual reflection. People might also feel unworthy or guilty for being happy when they know that some people have nothing at all.

3. Expressing happiness is bad for you and others

A study found that:

“Japanese participants frequently mentioned negative social consequences of expressing happiness, such as arousing other’s envy, while American participants did so rarely.”

Also in Russia, there is a cultural belief that anyone who is happy or successful might have used immoral means for achieving it. For this reason, the expressions of happiness is perceived as inviting envy, resentment, and suspicion.

In Ifaluk culture, pursuit of happiness is believed to decrease the good of the tribe as it is associated with failure at doing one’s duties. In Western cultures, people frequently try to avoid expressing happiness: it may annoy others and invite a possible attack from them.

4. Pursuing happiness is bad for you and others

From a Buddhist perspective, happiness is not worthy of pursuit:

‘‘And with the very desire for happiness, out of delusion they destroy their own well-being as if it were their enemy’’

The desire for happiness is often self-centred. This may have negative effects on the well-being of others. In traditional Chinese cultures, personal pursuit of happiness was seen as shameful because it was believed that contributing to society was better for oneself and everyone else.

The American dream is based on the importance of personal achievement. For this reason, some argue that the American dream is a ‘‘wild goose chase’’ as it distracts people from true, meaningful happiness (whatever that is).

In closing, people are afraid of happiness for different reasons as they hold different beliefs about happiness. What these beliefs about happiness have in common is that happiness, especially extreme happiness, is associated with negative consequences.

While some people are afraid of all degrees of happiness, others are only afraid of extreme happiness. The literature suggests that these beliefs are more prevalent in non-Western cultures; people in Western cultures are more focused on maximizing happiness.

Source: http://reflectd.co/2014/07/01/afraid-of-happiness/